cows on crack

Yesterday, i finished message in a bottle. it was such a good book, i loved it. but i also hated it, just because. its one of those things. (btdub, i'm sorry for ruining the ending for you cosette) i was reading it in english, and it was getting really intense, so i finished almost all of it at lunch, at which point i freaked out. haha. my next class was math, and i should have been paying attention, but i couldn't. i kept thinking about the dumb book, and zoning out. then about halfway through, i almost started crying. i don't even know why, i hadn't been thinking about the book. my mind was completely blank. i almost said "what the freak??" out loud. that would have been funny, but still i'm glad i didn't.

i love nicholas sparks. just his whole style of writing, its amazing. he's kind of like the writer you aspire to be. his books make you think. but s.e. hinton is, has, and always will be my favorite author. everything she writes about is so profound, in its own way and really reaches me. i highly reccommend you read her books. especially that was then, this is now. thats my most favorite book, even above twilight. shocker, i know.

i just read alyse's blog yesterday, its called "you taught my heart a sense i never knew i had." love silverstein. anyways, it was exactly what i had been feeling like all day, but hadn't been able to put into words. so to sit there reading it, it was like woah... you should read it, its truly amazing. that girl sure can write ;) one of the things she said that really stuck out to me was this line: "remember the past, live the present. it'll never happen again." she's so right, on so many levels. there are so many things that happen throughout our lives, even if they're something little, that we don't notice go by. and it'll never happen again.

kind of like what my mom said at the depeche mode concert, when somebody threw up from being drunk. she said something to the affect of "what an idiot. seriously, thats so smart! lets drink so much we pass out, throw up, and can't remember this night... depeche mode isn't going to be around forever you know."

on a different note, i hung out with carlos and zakk today. it was fun. at first i was kind of worried it might get kind of awkward cuz cosette probably wasn't going to come, but i ended up having a really good time. we just talked, because alpine is lame and there's really nothing to do, but its all good. something he said really got to me, and i totally understood how he felt. he said that he kind of wished he could move, just so he could start over. so he wouldn't have the same reputation as being the "stoner emo kid."

i think its sad how everyone, once they have an idea in their head of exactly how they think people are, they refuse to ever change that idea. i guess they think that people don't change, won't change, can't change. when really, change is what we do best. it is constantly what we are forced to do. we are all in a continuous state of change. whether its mentally, physically, or emotionally. or those around us, or us ourselves. but thats just life, changing and unpredidctable.

well, i'm dead tired from not getting enough sleep, and walking around all day. so, i love you all dearly. thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

cheers to...friends, passed memories, and magic sticks (meaning otter pops) =p oh, and sleep.

-xann

(btdub, the title is something katie said when i was talking to her last night at one a.m. i didn't know what to title it, and i thought that it sounded ridiculous, so i used it)