hello again to all of you who read my blog. i've just been thinking, and decided to write one more blog today. this is going to be a short one due to my lack of sleep. staying up late+getting up early=epic fail.
anyways, i just feel like life is like a box full of sharp objects. there may quite possibly be a couple of non-harmful, non-sharp objects in this box, but for the most part there are just sharp objects. at least, that's what it feels like. you reach in to look for your car keys, or a pen, or your phone, and in the process end up getting stabbed by a fork, or a knife, or some other obscene object. i know thats life, that pain comes with love, good comes with bad. i guess i just wish it could be different occasionally. i know i'm being pessimistic, but i can't help it. once in a while i think its okay to let all the crap in your life overwhelm you, that way when everything is just fine and dandy once again you'll appreciate it just that much more. so, back to my analogy. i just feel like no matter what i do, how much i try, how hard i try, it doesn't matter. its not getting me anywhere. i don't know what to do with myself. of course there is the effort i am going to have to eventually put into packing and moving, but after that i mean. i don't know what my focus is anymore. i almost feel like i'm drifting, and its barely the first day of summer. oh screw.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
that was then, this is now
so so so, where to start? okay, first of all, i apologize for not having written a blog for a while (before my last one, that is) my life has been kinda crazy this past month, what with trying to catch up on school work, stupid immature seventh graders, at times somewhat overreacting parents and so on. what i just want to talk about really quick is, well change i suppose.
sometime earlier this month i read a book titled "that was then, this is now" by s.e. hinton. its an amazing book, maybe even more so than the outsiders. it just talks about these two boys' lifes, and halfway or so through the book they start talking to eachother. how a while ago the girl one of them was going with used to be his main focus in life. he always needed to be talking to her over the phone, or being around her, or looking forward to the next time he would see her. she was his life. and how now, he could really care less what she was doing, who she was after, or going with. *coughmecough* how they used to love getting in fights, and hotwiring cars and other such things. basically it just talked about how things that used to be their main priority in life they now hardly ever thought about, and then they step back and realize... wow, was that really that long ago? has that much time really passed? thats what was kind of going through my head when i was reading it. and i started making little comparisons of my own in my life. it was then that i started to realize not only how much i've changed, but how much everyone else has changed around me. most of them for the good, but not all.
change is a good thing, i have decided. i used to be super shy, i used to have really long hair, i used to hate wearing shorts, i used to be more naive than i am now lol, i used to never really think about things as much as i do now, i used to hate writing, i used to think i could cook, i used to be bothered by little things easily, i used to be good at swimming, i used to kind of like utah, i used to have one gig of memory on my iPod, i used to not know how to put on makeup very well, i used to never look at the stars, i used to hate scary movies, i used to think summer would never come, i used to never listen to techno music, i used to not know how to play guitar, i used to not be open to new things,my life used to revolve around a certain person, whereas now he hasn't even crossed my mind for a long time; because that was then, this is now. just that phrase seems so eye opening and epic. i love it.
also, how many new people i've met just by going to timberline the last few months. how many friends i've made, how much closer i've gotten to the friends i already had there. how i've realized that if you really just open up and be yourself around people, that more often than not they will like you for you. i've realized that some kids will never learn due to the fact that they are just that oblivious to the world around them. i've realized that sleep is a good thing, but that it makes life more interesting to be on no sleep, especially when you go and drink caffeine while one is on no sleep. i've realized that your attitude really does make a difference. i've realized that i cannot drive worth a crap (good thing i have all summer to have someone teach me), i've realized that it doesn't take much to have a good time, i've realized that life just loves to throw one stress on you right after you've just worked so hard to get rid of the first one, i've realized that innerpartysystem, death cab for cutie, paramore, my chemical romance, muse, tegan and sara, blaqk audio and scary kids scaring kids will always be amazing. i've realized that change is a good thing.
sometime earlier this month i read a book titled "that was then, this is now" by s.e. hinton. its an amazing book, maybe even more so than the outsiders. it just talks about these two boys' lifes, and halfway or so through the book they start talking to eachother. how a while ago the girl one of them was going with used to be his main focus in life. he always needed to be talking to her over the phone, or being around her, or looking forward to the next time he would see her. she was his life. and how now, he could really care less what she was doing, who she was after, or going with. *coughmecough* how they used to love getting in fights, and hotwiring cars and other such things. basically it just talked about how things that used to be their main priority in life they now hardly ever thought about, and then they step back and realize... wow, was that really that long ago? has that much time really passed? thats what was kind of going through my head when i was reading it. and i started making little comparisons of my own in my life. it was then that i started to realize not only how much i've changed, but how much everyone else has changed around me. most of them for the good, but not all.
change is a good thing, i have decided. i used to be super shy, i used to have really long hair, i used to hate wearing shorts, i used to be more naive than i am now lol, i used to never really think about things as much as i do now, i used to hate writing, i used to think i could cook, i used to be bothered by little things easily, i used to be good at swimming, i used to kind of like utah, i used to have one gig of memory on my iPod, i used to not know how to put on makeup very well, i used to never look at the stars, i used to hate scary movies, i used to think summer would never come, i used to never listen to techno music, i used to not know how to play guitar, i used to not be open to new things,my life used to revolve around a certain person, whereas now he hasn't even crossed my mind for a long time; because that was then, this is now. just that phrase seems so eye opening and epic. i love it.
also, how many new people i've met just by going to timberline the last few months. how many friends i've made, how much closer i've gotten to the friends i already had there. how i've realized that if you really just open up and be yourself around people, that more often than not they will like you for you. i've realized that some kids will never learn due to the fact that they are just that oblivious to the world around them. i've realized that sleep is a good thing, but that it makes life more interesting to be on no sleep, especially when you go and drink caffeine while one is on no sleep. i've realized that your attitude really does make a difference. i've realized that i cannot drive worth a crap (good thing i have all summer to have someone teach me), i've realized that it doesn't take much to have a good time, i've realized that life just loves to throw one stress on you right after you've just worked so hard to get rid of the first one, i've realized that innerpartysystem, death cab for cutie, paramore, my chemical romance, muse, tegan and sara, blaqk audio and scary kids scaring kids will always be amazing. i've realized that change is a good thing.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
goodbyes and summer skies
wow, this week has been fricking uhmayzing.
monday, climbed grants roof and the hill near his house with him, alyse, and carlos then afterwards went to the paramore/no doubt concert.
tuesday, ran around alpine/the junction with cosette, alyse, and grant. then, went back to my house and walked up to the park.
wednesday, didn't go to school. instead, went to ihop with grant, alyse, cosette, and carlos. afterwards carlos had to leave, then the rest of us walked all over af and tried on dresses at ross, slept on beds at bed bath and beyond, and looked at fishies at wal-mart. then we went back to grants house and watched seven pounds.
thursday, yearbook day. afterschool we went to kneaders and got asiago bread and italian creme soda's. then went back to hayleighs house and sat in her boat in her backyard. then she had to go get ready for her brothers graduation, so we went to cosette's house and watched 21.
friday, last day of school, walked to the junction with grant and got mountain dew, then waited for his mom to come get us so we could go have our breakfast party. hayleigh showed up, followed by aubrey, followed by cosette. we made crepes, and breakfast sandwhiches. we then proceeded to migrate like coconuts down to roxberry, except my madre decided she needed to come pick me up when we had gotten to legacy park. then i went home and got my dress, and convinced my mom to go to orem so i could get a pair of converse to wear with my dress. then i got dropped off at alyse's a few minutes after she had gotten there, shortly followed by cosette, grant and aubrey, followed by carlos. we started getting ready for the stake dance. we watched the first couple minutes of moulin rouge, then decided to just chill in her room and listen to music. we then migrated to the park near her house. after we went back and ate taquitos, then her madre drove us to the stake dance.
we showed up, and realized it wasn't formal...(i suppose we just have this thing with always dressing wrong) ah well, we still had fun. but, we decided that the dances in lehi are lame cuz no one actually dances, and they have gay music. whereas the dances in alpine are way fun, cuz everyone dances the whole entire time. you would feel out of place if you weren't dancing. they still have somewhat crappy music, but the difference is you feel like you're having fun.
so, during this last week of school, this oh so very week of epicality, i've been thinking. people are getting older, moving on, changing schools, changning residences, becoming more mature, taking summer long vacations, and so on. like for instance; red is now a sophomore and going to lone peak, alysie my dearest wifey is going to lehi, i am moving, grant is going to efy, california, and boston, and as a result will only be home for two weeks at the end of june, oh and alyse is also moving to pleasant grove for a month starting monday. i will miss alyse until she is back, i'll miss not seeing red next year at school, i'll miss grant the whole summer he is gone. i am going to try my hardest to make this summer one worth remembering, one you look back on when you're thirty or fourty years old and say yeahhh, that was a pretty kick ass summer. i want to stay friends with all of you amazing people that so completely and totally rock my world. i knoweth not what i would do without you all.
something we were talking about on friday night when we ditched the stake dance and laid in the middle of the road to watch the stars kind of stuck out to me. we were saying how this would be the only night the whole summer when all of us would be together, me, cosette, alyse, grant, carlos, and aubrey. there will be other times, i am sure but still. those minutes, however long we spent out there talking, singing along to alyse's phone, watching the stars, laying in the street. it was all just so perfect. you really do have to make the most of what little time you have. life is a miracle, cherish it. be in love with life. make lasting memories. i love you all, and hope you have a great summer!
-xann
monday, climbed grants roof and the hill near his house with him, alyse, and carlos then afterwards went to the paramore/no doubt concert.
tuesday, ran around alpine/the junction with cosette, alyse, and grant. then, went back to my house and walked up to the park.
wednesday, didn't go to school. instead, went to ihop with grant, alyse, cosette, and carlos. afterwards carlos had to leave, then the rest of us walked all over af and tried on dresses at ross, slept on beds at bed bath and beyond, and looked at fishies at wal-mart. then we went back to grants house and watched seven pounds.
thursday, yearbook day. afterschool we went to kneaders and got asiago bread and italian creme soda's. then went back to hayleighs house and sat in her boat in her backyard. then she had to go get ready for her brothers graduation, so we went to cosette's house and watched 21.
friday, last day of school, walked to the junction with grant and got mountain dew, then waited for his mom to come get us so we could go have our breakfast party. hayleigh showed up, followed by aubrey, followed by cosette. we made crepes, and breakfast sandwhiches. we then proceeded to migrate like coconuts down to roxberry, except my madre decided she needed to come pick me up when we had gotten to legacy park. then i went home and got my dress, and convinced my mom to go to orem so i could get a pair of converse to wear with my dress. then i got dropped off at alyse's a few minutes after she had gotten there, shortly followed by cosette, grant and aubrey, followed by carlos. we started getting ready for the stake dance. we watched the first couple minutes of moulin rouge, then decided to just chill in her room and listen to music. we then migrated to the park near her house. after we went back and ate taquitos, then her madre drove us to the stake dance.
we showed up, and realized it wasn't formal...(i suppose we just have this thing with always dressing wrong) ah well, we still had fun. but, we decided that the dances in lehi are lame cuz no one actually dances, and they have gay music. whereas the dances in alpine are way fun, cuz everyone dances the whole entire time. you would feel out of place if you weren't dancing. they still have somewhat crappy music, but the difference is you feel like you're having fun.
so, during this last week of school, this oh so very week of epicality, i've been thinking. people are getting older, moving on, changing schools, changning residences, becoming more mature, taking summer long vacations, and so on. like for instance; red is now a sophomore and going to lone peak, alysie my dearest wifey is going to lehi, i am moving, grant is going to efy, california, and boston, and as a result will only be home for two weeks at the end of june, oh and alyse is also moving to pleasant grove for a month starting monday. i will miss alyse until she is back, i'll miss not seeing red next year at school, i'll miss grant the whole summer he is gone. i am going to try my hardest to make this summer one worth remembering, one you look back on when you're thirty or fourty years old and say yeahhh, that was a pretty kick ass summer. i want to stay friends with all of you amazing people that so completely and totally rock my world. i knoweth not what i would do without you all.
something we were talking about on friday night when we ditched the stake dance and laid in the middle of the road to watch the stars kind of stuck out to me. we were saying how this would be the only night the whole summer when all of us would be together, me, cosette, alyse, grant, carlos, and aubrey. there will be other times, i am sure but still. those minutes, however long we spent out there talking, singing along to alyse's phone, watching the stars, laying in the street. it was all just so perfect. you really do have to make the most of what little time you have. life is a miracle, cherish it. be in love with life. make lasting memories. i love you all, and hope you have a great summer!
-xann
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