deadmau5+cage the elephant= boom! inspiration :]

love it when you feel the bass,

i see the strobe lights on your face

you gotta learn life's not a race,

and take it to a slower pace

it's time to learn to just let go,

don't worry mann, life's not a show

so come on, dance, just let it flow

don't waste time fearing what can't be controlled,

instead fear what you might withold

you never know what you might regret,

if you're always too afraid to get your feet wet

don't be scared of being thought a fool,

just dive right on into the pool

even if you choose to go headfirst,

there are many things that are much worse

so listen to what i'm about to say:

don't let anymore time slip away

time to let go? yea, i'm thinking so

well, so much for forever

i guess now it's become more like never

i know it hurts now, dear

but it's not worth another tear

i'm honestly trying to let you go

but i can't help the fact that i miss you so

it hurts us both to keep holding on

but i can't say i know how to move along

so i act like everythings alright

it's easier than putting up a fight

besides, isn't that how you dealt?

you gave up, and told e how you felt

said i didn't work for you, come to think of it

that i was never your type to begin with

i know i let go first,

but it's not like you haven't done worse

i suppose it's good i knew when to let go

and let whatever happens flow

i'm not over you just yet,

since you're not that easy to forget

i know time will ease the pain,

and that rainbows always follow rain

but it's hard to see that far ahead,

when i'm stuck here foucused on it instead

my plan is to forgive and forget

oh, and stop lettng myself fret

forgive myself for always believing you without a doubt,

and forgetting how i felt when i let those feelings out

so... what now?

i'm not quite sure where to start... this is almost always the hardest part of blogging. finding a place to start. well, i guess that basically this whole train of thought i'm about to type up started from facebook. of course. i saw a certain someones status, and it reminded me of everything we'd been talking about the night before. but mostly, it reminded me of how much i miss him. i miss what we had. i miss who i was when i was with him. i miss the way he made me feel. i keep on second guessing myself, wondering if i did the right thing by leaving, or if it was a huge mistake. it sure felt like one. i don't know what happened. how it all fell apart. i never wanted to lose him. but i left him. and i'm not even sure why anymore. part of the reason it wasn't as hard at first, was because i thought we'd just take a break, sort of, and get back together at some point. i thought he'd want to, and that he wouldn't want to let us go. but now, it seems like there's no going back. he still cares, but i don't think he'd want to get back together. so, i dunno. i suppose what's done is done. i still hate myself for hurting him. i never wanted that.

i keep wondering if it's going to get any better. if time will help. so far, it hasn't. i still feel the same way. those feelings aren't fading. sometimes, i wish they would. but then there are times when i want so desperately to hold onto all the memories and emotions. i don't want them to fade, or disappear, or just forget them. i've already tried that, and it hardly worked. i don't know how to just let go. i'm not even sure whether i want to... i know i probably should. he's trying to. he's probably having more success with that than i am, though. i've always had a really hard time when it comes to letting people go, in any way.

so, what am i supposed to do? i don't know what to do with myself anymore. at this point, i'm just kinda doing whatever till summers over. i try to stay with friends mostly, because when i'm around people other than my family, i don't focus on whats missing. i don't focus on who's always been there, with me and for me for the past seven months. or so... i can just act like i'm over the whole thing. it's easier than dealing with it. it's my way of coping. acting like it's all good. i don't feel so lonely when i'm around friends. but when i'm by myself, or even just at my house, it tends to be the main thought that constantly crosses my mind. it drives me crazy, because everything, even the silliest things remind me of him. like lemon juice, for example. it's either that, or i feel like i need to jump on facebook, to try and possibly have some form of communication with him. i can't help it.

it's frustrating, because i want to let go. but i don't know how, or if i should. but at the same time, there's part of me that still wants to hold on. what should i do now? i don't know anymore...

well, thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. i just had to get all these thoughts out of my head. just acknowledging that they're there by writing helps.

so, goodnight, or good morning, or whatever.

-xann

self esteem poem (free verse)

comparisons between ourselves and others made

never content with our appearances

always wishing to make a change

why are we so easily intimidated?

beauty approaches, taking long strides

solicitious feelings once hidden away

not wanting to stay buried

preferring instead to resurface,

they make us question whether or not

we are truly worth loving

these thoughts plague our minds

continuously troubling, always making

us second guess what we want to be true

however, we second guess truth

for it makes no sense whatsoever

why do we choose to continue doing this

to ourselves, day in and day out?

it is not healthy, it makes no sense

we cannot be something we are not

nor can we expect ourselves to do so

we are meant to be ourselves

and simply that, for nothing else

is required, or should be of us

you should not change for the world

no matter what anyone says